Instead of quoting Aristotle, Shakespeare, James Joyce, Bob Marley, or perhaps George Bush at the beginning of the film, there is an extremely introspective quote that goes ‘I believe in angels,’ by the director Vivek Sharma himself! One could swallow it even if it was Subhash Ghai saying it, because obviously then it would be tongue-in- cheek, but this is Sharma’s debut and the swollen-headedness starts right here.

To give him some credit, the first half is not all that bad. It’s formulaic, and that works fine. You find yourself watching a half- decent children’s film, hoping that you were 10, no make that 6, and enjoying the inanities. Bachchan haunts a house in Goa and lets no one stay in peace; that is until SRK and fly arrive. Bachchan with his nails and silver face paint tries to scare Bunkoo the brat, but of course gets it right back from the kid because his mother has categorically stated that there are no ghosts, only angels (she must be related to the director.) So Bachchan hems and haws but eventually the kid and he become good friends. There are plenty on pluses in the first half. There are some pleasantly surprising politically correct messages preached to kids (no cheating in sports, forgiving enemies is the path to friendship, et al). The CG VFX are outstanding to say the least and on par with Hollywood and even the songs are picturized innovatively. Sure there are massive logic loopholes (primarily to do with Boothnath’s abilities –mostly – why can Bunkoo physically feel him all the time, except the one time when he breaks his head?)

Anyway, then comes the second half, and the schizophrenia comes to the fore. Boothnath turns into a completely regressive hare-brained B- grade movie plot from the 80s. This second half is another film altogether and it seems the director has borrowed a reject second- half from BR when he was still penning his opuses decades ago. It’s befuddling. The target audience shifts from 6-year-old kids spending quality time this summer vacation suddenly to 60-year-old devout Hindu women who feel a sense of vindication that SRK is organizing a shraad pooja for Bachchan soul. Aaaargh. Starting with a most (really spent time trying to come up with a better adjective here; couldn’t) dumbass flashback involving Bachchan’s kid leaving for America and never returning till his pining mother dies and in the very same trip kinda being responsible for Bachchan’s clichéd tumble-down-the stairs death as well, the endless second half builds towards the pooja like it’s the bloody climax of the year. All character graphs are lost, Bunkoo is crying, Bachchan is practically drowning in glycerine and even SRK seems to be taking it rather personally (why?) - the whole shebang resembles just another lathery episode on prime time television. And after this whole affair, after the goddamn goodbyes (and the farce of a tragic end), Mr Boothnath comes back for Master Bunkoo in the last scene and decides to stay at his beck and call like a butler Jeevesnath), negating the ENTIRE second half and making the plot and script of Tashan look like a masterpiece.

Performances are alright. No actor really involves you. The kid is cute. Special mention for Juhi Chawla – it’s time for her to retire. She really doesn’t need to act anymore and one wonders what her motivation is. Her last 20 performances (rounding off with Krazzy 4 and Boothnath) have been nothing more than disinterested line delivery in the exact same tone and pitch in every instance. She should keep herself free for the odd relevant indie (think My Brother Nikhil) where producers can’t afford stars and need a face.

Vivek Sharma would do well to stop believing in angels and get himself in a script-writing course where lesson no. 1 would be – Stick to a Single Genre. This is not some double-bill cinema. Just because you got SRK and AB in your film, doesn’t mean you make two films in the time you have.

As for you, audience, take your kids for the first half and leave right after and get yourself a decent meal instead of the caramel popcorn – because surely your kids will end up with indigestion and this time, it certainly wont’ be the popcorn.