The title song has a dead Anupam Kher getting up occasionally and saying "You will die laughing." Guess what? It’s actually true. When the interval lights came on, it’s very, very difficult to not burst out laughing uncontrollably, hysterically. You cannot stop! The film until the halfway mark is so bad, SO BAD that denial takes over and you can only laugh to justify the half-witted act on your part of actually taking the effort to sit though the movie so far. Of course, with the second half, it only gets worse. Rakhi Sawant was actually overheard saying that she couldn’t believe how Rahulji made this film. Let’s help her dissect shall we?

Buddha Mar Gaya is undoubtedly the crudest film in a long time. In every sense of the word. The subject, the story, the characters, the acting, the filmmaking in all its aspects are of the lowest standard. There is absolutely nothing good in the film. Maybe… Let me think… No, nothing. Not even a moment.

After the titles are over, a super announces that this film is 'A Black Comedy' – talk about shoving pre-conceptions down your throat. It’s black alright, the literal title should tell you that much, but the rest of it is not comedy, it’s pure agony. The premise has promise – an iconic businessman’s family tries to cover up his death to ensure a mega IPO is sold out before the revelation makes stocks crash – but it all goes horribly, horribly wrong at the screenplay level. The gags are shockingly perverse and range from the imbecilic to gross. The characters seem to have been given 3 characteristics each and which are exuded in continual repetition, without any cohesive furthering of story or plot. What story? What plot? What audience is this film for? Did someone say multiplexes? You think people who’re paying Rs. 200 a ticket are interested in several old, fat people continually staring at Sawant’s cleavage? It’s not funny at all.

But the most shocking aspect is the way this film is made. If you recall, Ramesh Sippy tried commercializing his cinema after his not-so-bad follow-ups (Shaan, Shakti, Saagar) to Sholay didn’t work. In trying to reinvent himself to cater to a 'hit formula', he went on to make the weakest films of his career with Bhrashtachaar, Akayla, and Zamaana Deewaana. Needless to say, all three films flopped. Rahul Rawail unfortunately seems to be going the same way. The man responsible for launching the likes of Kumar Gaurav (Love Story), Sunny Deol (Betaab), and Kajol (Bekhudi) and making some fine films such as Arjun and Dacait – has decided to join the Let’s-Make-A-Multiplex-Sex-Comedy Club in trying to cash in with the times. The result? Oh my God: death by tackiness. Why don’t filmmakers realize that a small budget is not an excuse to be tacky? You just can’t afford to get ambitious at the screenplay level. Why have a massive launch party as your opening scene with hundreds of extras when you don’t have a budget? Why dub half the film and shoot the other half in sync? (The audio quality is simply unpalatable.) Why insist on hideous production design that only adds to the budget and contributes nothing to story? There is no attention to detail, the early-80’s-style camerawork only seems to highlight the unpleasant, and the whole shebang is just plain amateur. If you’re making a small film, at least keep it neat and clean!

As far as the actors go, a single question comes to mind: What, what in God's name were they thinking? Actors in the industry have to learn to say 'NO' to bad scripts. No matter if the director is your girlfriend or grandfather, you simply cannot agree to do films based on relationships and directors’ reputation. How this film helps Mahabanoo Modi Kotwal, Paresh Rawal, and Mukesh Tiwary is beyond comprehension. And none of them has even tried to act. It’s like they’re helping out in a kids' play. These are not performances, these are mindless shenanigans. Om Puri, in my opinion, has permanently damaged his reputation with this film. Here’s a man with some of the finest films and performances to his credit, and here he is destroying everything with one clean swipe almost making an effort to look fat and unbearable. He can’t even dismiss this as a one-off fun thing he did for the heck of it. He certainly doesn’t look like he’s having any fun while Mukesh Tiwary is slobbering all over him in bed. Yuck! I suppose some credit is due to Anupam Kher for playing a dead body to perfection.

Buddha Mar Gaya is disastrous for the industry. All the good work done by Bheja Fry – which itself was a middling film, but its success has led to an explosion of small budget indies with new actors and makers – is now undone by this similar, pathetic attempt. Will producers now rethink strategies and play it safe with big budgets and keep casting the three-and-a-half-stars this industry has? We certainly hope not.